Why we announce our pregnancy so early

Some people think that announcing a pregnancy is bad luck, or is silly or something. I have never felt that way. To me any pregnancy is a miracle, but when you struggle to get pregnant it is even more so. For my first pregnancy I just couldn’t keep quiet, but I wouldn’t have even if I could have. I believe that a baby is a baby from conception and when you have PCOS, you run a high risk of miscarriage. I wanted to acknowledge the miracle growing inside of me and wanted others to know that it existed. The more people know, the more people are praying. This time I got pregnant naturally and that is another miracle. How could I not shout from the rooftops what God is doing in our lives? I acknowledge that I could lose my baby, but I have faith that if that does happen, then I will be surrounded by people who love and support me and will grieve with me.

I will leave you with some cute pictures of baby J.

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Take that PCOS, plus an update

I haven’t updated in a while, it is hard being a new mom and working a full time job to get on here and keep updating regularly.

Baby J will be 6 months on the 20th of this month! He is growing too fast. He can roll over front to back and back to front. He is sitting up really well and his favorite toy, other than cups and water bottles, is a crinkle book. 🙂 he is discovering what he can do with his voice he squeals just for the fun of it sometimes and just the other day he discovered that he can whisper. He does it when I change his diaper! He is sleeping mostly through the night he has just been waking up once to nurse. I think he has been teething, I can’t see or feel anything, but he drools like crazy and we have had a few rough nights.

Here is an update on me. I have been very tired lately, I fell asleep sitting up one day! I have been having heartburn and I missed my period in October. I didn’t think much about it, I thought maybe my PCOS symptoms were coming back with a vengeance. I went ahead and bought a pregnancy test so when I called the doctor I could tell her that I had already taken a test. I took it Friday before work and was shocked to see a positive! Baby J is going to be a big brother! This was a complete surprise. I am so thankful that I was able to get pregnant naturally! I can’t really describe completely how I feel, it is a mixture of terror and excitement. Take that PCOS! I got pregnant naturally despite you! 🙂

Ice Bucket Challenge

Isn’t the ALS ice bucket challenge kind of cool? It’s great that it is raising awareness for the disease, but I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand it is great that it is raising awareness, but why ALS and not Pilomyxoid Astrocytoma , Anencephaly, or PCOS? These are some rare(ish) conditions that unless someone you know has experience with them, chances are that you have never heard of them or know much about them. I would love to see videos out there raising awareness for these conditions.

A little girl, Kennedy Ellis, who is near and dear to my heart, she is the sweetest little girl I have ever met, and anyone who has ever met her feels the same way, suffers from Pilomyxoid Astrocytoma. I had never heard of it before she was diagnosed. She is only 2 and while she is doing well now, she has suffered so much from this stupid tumor. Wouldn’t it be great to raise awareness and ultimately money for research and they find a cute for precious little Kennedy?

Anyone who follows my blog knows about my nephew and Anencephaly, but so many people have never heard of it. And if you have seen a picture of a baby with Anencephaly, chances are that they have seen it as a cruel post circulating around on Facebook calling the baby a frog baby or a monster. So cruel. People need to know that picture isn’t a fake, it is a real baby that someone loved and they are calling a baby a monster.

And what about PCOS? It isn’t as severe as the other two conditions I have mentioned, but it is a condition that could use some awareness. So many people don’t understand the mental and physical struggles of PCOS. Raising awareness could help people see what people like me go through.

People need to be educated about these conditions and many others I am sure that I don’t know about. I would love to start a challenge for Anencephaly but wouldn’t know what to do. A short informational video would be good too, but I am so not tech savvy and don’t know how to make a video. So I will stick to raising awareness through this blog.

19 Weeks and Thankful

I already posted this on my Facebook, so if any of you follow me and are friends with me on there, this is old news to you. 🙂

Today at just past 19 weeks pregnant, I am very thankful. After knowing from an early age that I might not be able to have kids, even before I was diagnosed with my condition, disease or syndrome, whatever you want to call it. I just had a feeling that I couldn’t. Then I was diagnosed with PCOS and my fears about the difficulty of getting pregnant were confirmed. I was sad, but determined to try anyway. I started this journey last year and I won’t bore you with all the details again, but I was told that my body still wasn’t working correctly and my dr wanted to increase my medicine dose, plus add in a shot and and ultrasound. Caleb and I had decided then that we were going to stop actively trying, meaning, let nature take its course and stop the medicine. If at a later date we needed too, I would go back on the medicine. Well at that appointment and while we were making our decision, I was ALREADY pregnant! I really thought that I was about a week later and I was too scared to test. I waited another week to take a test. When it came up positive I couldn’t believe it and had to take another test. I was so scared that I would miscarry, but so excited at the same time. I actually would have miscarried if I hadn’t gone and got my blood tested right away. My progesterone levels which were supposed to go up were going down. I was able to take medicine and that raised it and I didn’t lose the baby. ☺️ I have been worried the whole time that I might miscarry or something would be wrong with the baby. In fact last night I was overwhelmed with fear. I stopped and prayed and I know it is all in God’s hands. I love this baby and I think I am a lot less fearful now. I am completely looking forward to my ultrasound next week without any fear of them finding something wrong. If they do, that’s okay too, our baby will be loved so much either way. I am just so thankful to have made it this far with our little blueberry and am excited to see and hold our little one for the first time. One of the things I am most excited about is seeing Caleb become a daddy! He is going to be such a good one!

My view looking down. 🙂 baby is getting big!

19 weeks!

An unexpected surprise

Many of you, if you read my blog, know of my struggles with PCOS. It has taken almost a year just to get my body to work right. Metformin and Clomid finally started regulating my periods. I had two that were 31 days apart. Then this month I was late. I have had a lot of different symptoms that I thought meant my period was going to come any time. I set a date that if I hadn’t started, then I was going to take a pregnancy test. Well yesterday was the day. I dreamed all night about pregnancy tests. At 7:30, I woke up and had to pee really bad. I thought, “this is great, I can take the test and when it is negative I can have a little cry and go back to sleep.” I did a test and set it on the shelf and finished up. I tried to watch it and I didn’t see the second line, so I started to get a little sad. Then I stood up and saw it was positive! I can’t accurately describe the thoughts that went through my head. I was so happy and overwhelmed. I think I squealed a little. I thought it was too good to be true, so I took another, different test and it said the same thing. I am PREGNANT!! I can’t believe it! I am going to have a baby! My husband is so happy too. He was so sweet. I said, “You are going to be a daddy,” and he said, “I already am.” It made me smile! I can’t tell you how happy I am!

There is Hope: My Struggle With PCOS

While reading Valerie at Atlantamomofthree’s post about PCOS, I realized I hadn’t posted about my PCOS journey in a while. So I thought I would give you a quick update.

First I would like to say that PCOS sucks!!! I have to live with the symptoms of this condition everyday and sometimes I wish I could take a break from my body. I hate how tired I am all the time and all the headaches I have.

With that being said, there is hope!! I have always wanted to be a mom. As a little girl if you asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, chances are the answer would be a mom (there might have been ballerina and princess answers in there sometimes). As I got older, I started having this fear that it would never happen for me. My mom laughs at me because I know my body so well, but even before I knew about the PCOS, I just KNEW it wasn’t going to happen for me. I even told my husband when we were dating that I probably would never have kids (this was before my periods stopped). He is great and stuck by me. 🙂 I struggle daily with the fact that I might not be able to get pregnant, but lately I have been feeling a little more optimistic, a little more hopeful. My medicine seems to be working to regulate me. I have finally had 2 periods that were 31 days apart. The cramps were awful, but I am so thankful that I am finally having periods. I am feeling more hopeful than I ever have felt before. It hasn’t been that long that we have been trying, but it seems like it has been a rough road for us. Hopefully things are liking up. 🙂

My Struggle with PCOS: My Experience with Metformin (so far)

I wanted to write a little about how Metformin has worked (so far) for me.  First off, Metformin is a drug that is used to help control Type 2 Diabetes, but it has shown to be helpful to help regulate women with PCOS’s cycles and to help them to ovulate.  It is also known to help with weight loss in some women.  In my case, I have been on it for about 3 months and I may finally be seeing some results.  When I first started it I had a very, VERY light, short period.  I almost wasn’t sure that it was a period.  Then I waited 81 days for another one to start.    I had cramps for a week and then I finally started an actual period (although it still wasn’t a normal one for me).  The cramps got really bad for the first 3 ½ days and then they just went away.  My doctor said that the Metformin could take a while to actually start regulating my periods; I have met a few women where it has taken 6 months to a year to do the job.   I was getting discouraged because I was getting the awful side effects and none of the supposed benefits.  I stuck it out though because I was hopeful that eventually something would happen.

Speaking of side effects, they are awful!  I have had to decide if the potential outcome is worth the suffering I am going through now.  For me, it is, for others it may not be.  Some of the side effects include:

• muscle      pain or weakness;
• numb or      cold feeling in your arms and legs;
• trouble      breathing;
• feeling      dizzy, light-headed, tired, or very weak;
• stomach      pain, nausea with vomiting; or
• slow or      uneven heart rate.

Call your doctor at once if you have any other serious side effect such as:

• feeling      short of breath, even with mild exertion;
• swelling      or rapid weight gain; or
• fever,      chills, body aches, flu symptoms.

Less serious side effects of metformin may include:

• headache      or muscle pain;
• weakness;      or
• mild      nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, gas, stomach pain

All this is from http://www.drugs.com/sfx/metformin-side-effects.html

I am also not sure, but hair loss might be a side effect of Metformin as well. But I can’t find any conclusive data saying that yes it does or that it doesn’t.  Some places says that if you have PCOS and take Metformin then a side effect might be hair loss others just say that it is the PCOS causing it.  Either way my hair has been falling out like crazy for a while now.  With my new haircut, I can’t tell as much, but when I was washing my hair this morning, my hands were covered in my hair.

I know this may be TMI for some, but it might help others.  I struggle with the stomach issues, the nausea, diarrhea and stomach pain.  Most of the time it isn’t bad enough to effect my normal day to day life, it is just enough to make me miserable.  I have also noticed some shortness of breath while I am just sitting and headaches (but those are nothing new, I have had them ever since I can remember), also I get dizzy a lot, but that could be from the Meniere’s disease, not the medicine.  Fortunately I do not suffer everyday with the side effects, most days, but not all.  Some days, I think that my body is getting used to the Metformin and then the next day they will hit me full force.  I notice that if I take them with food at the same time every day that they are not as bad as if I take it on an empty stomach or I forget to take it at the right time.

My advice to you, if you are on the fence about taking Metformin is to try it and see if you can live with the side effects, or who knows, you may be lucky and not have any side effects.  If the side effects are too much, talk to your doctor, and maybe they can put you on the Extended Release formula or can find another option for you.  I hope this can help someone.  I just wanted to tell about my experience with it so far.  Hopefully, I can start seeing more results soon. 🙂

New haircut and a new project

I just realized that I have not posted in a while. It was a busy week last week. I FINALLY started my period which was awful and painful and I hurt so bad that if the other lady wasn’t on vacation I would have stayed home for at least 2 of those days. It didn’t last long though, 4 days and it was over.

Also PCOS related. My hair has been falling out like crazy so I went to get it cut on Thursday and I was able to donate it to Locks of Love. I got 12 inches cut off with to start with and maybe another 3-4 inches to cut it the way I wanted. The lady who cuts my hair is awesome. I told her that I wanted a short haircut, but that I was uncomfortable without hair to cover my face. So she went to town and I now have an awesome haircut! When she was cutting my hair she told me that I was going to have curly hair. I have never had curly hair, so I was a little skeptical about how curly it would really be. It has a great pretty curl to it now. I love it!!

Before….

And after….

Dana is so talented! 🙂 I love my new hair, straight or curly.

This week, I started making iPhone carting cases. I used my phone a a guide and made 8 of them over the last week. I still have half of them left. They are $10. I think they turned out really well. The pattern is super easy too, so if you would like me to post the pattern, let me know!

Update: my struggle with PCOS

I thought I would update you on how I am doing.

I am on cd 50 and still no af. I called my Endocrinologist and she said that it will take a few months for the Metformin to work. I was under the impression that it would work right away. I am so tired of the side effects and zero results. Not even any weight loss! I am so frustrated with my stupid body.

I am struggling a little with the depression again. I know when I am falling back into it so I try to focus on the other things like my husband and what good things God has been doing for me instead of my problems. But the other day I had a really rough patch. I just felt that I wasn’t meant to be a mom and that I won’t ever experience being pregnant or being a mom. I am better now, but seeing all the people I went to school with having babies is extremely hard on me. I see some that have had several and I don’t understand why they can get pregnant so easy. All I have ever wanted is to be a mom and I can’t even have a period so we can start actually trying. It hurts to hear about how my friends are pregnant and how easy it was for them. I am happy for them, I really am, I am just mad at my body. I wish that if I am not meant to have children that God would take that desire away. I know it is early for me to get frustrated, but this is 6 months of just trying to get a period to start and to get it regulated. I have taken 3 or 4 different medications just to get a period to start! When I did have one it didn’t keep coming. It wasn’t even like a real one. I just wish my body worked right!!

Anyway…I haven’t updated my blog in a while. I kind of took a break on the crocheting for a little bit but now I have one finished project and two WIPs unfortunately I only have a picture of the finished project. I will post later about the WIPs.

I tried these just to see if I could and to see how they looked. I love them. The yarn is so soft on your feet!! They are really comfy.

Thankful

I was so nervous about sharing my PCOS struggles, but I have had several people who can relate to my story. I have also had a lot of support from friends and people I don’t even know. It has been good for me to hear from people who know what I am going through. I know PCOS is not like cancer where it is life threatening, but it is life altering and can be so devastating. I hate that I have it, I hate how it makes me feel and look, but I am thankful to know that I am not alone and that I have people who understand. The response from my last post on here and on Facebook was amazing and I want to thank each one of you that responded. And for those of you that didn’t, thank you for reading and I hope it helped you understand the struggles that we (people who have PCOS) have everyday.

Anyway…this weekend was a very good one. 🙂 we hung out with our friends on Friday. Brooke and I crocheted and Caleb and Shannon golfed and played video games. I made a little dress for a lady in the UK who is going to have a little girl with Anencephaly. She requested a neutral colored set, so I picked a very soft cream colored yarn with a pink colored flower. I made her 2 hats, one pixie bonnet, barefoot sandals, and a dress. I will send it out on Saturday and I am so excited for her to get it.

Saturday, my hubby and I went to the post office and I shipped out one of my Anencephaly sets and a gift to a sweet friend. Then we went paint shopping. We have decided to repaint our house. We decided on a grayish blue with navy shutters and trim. We are also thinking about repainting and updating the inside of our house. Our house is only 770sqft, and there are two bedrooms and two baths with barely any closet space and no room for a kitchen table to sit at. We hate it, so we want to get it looking really nice so when we are able to sell it, maybe it will sell faster and it will look nicer than it does now. We very rarely have the same tastes, but when it comes to paint colors, we actually have very similar tastes. 🙂 we are thinking of starting with the main bath and we would like to redo the floors, take out the tub and add in a really nice walk-in shower, get a new cabinet set and sink, and paint the walls an olive-y green with a brown border. (It will look better than it sounds) we also looked at colors that we would like for the rest of the house. It was fun to dream.

Sunday we had church and the service was very good. We honored veterans and the sermon was about tragedy. We have had a lot of tragedy in our town the last week or two. One of my good friends lost his best friend/cousin to an accidental drug overdose and there was a car accident where a teenage kid lost his twin brother. Our pastor cried during the first part and I couldn’t help but cry along. I didn’t know either of these boys personally, but my heart goes out to them. I can’t wait to get to heaven where there will be no more pain or suffering and no more tears!
After church we had our usual family lunch with my hubby’s family. I crocheted and finally finished the top I was making. I was testing a pattern for a lady I met through ravelry. I will have to redo it with fingering yarn, because it turned out way bigger than the pattern called for. The top turned out to be about a 2T. I think it turned out really pretty.

I added the ruffle at the bottom. 🙂

Then yesterday we went to the gun range with our friends Brooke and Shannon. I have never shot a gun before and I wasn’t really sure about it. I was excited because I knew Caleb enjoys it, but I wasn’t so sure about me, but I had a BLAST! I got to shoot a little .22 rifle, a handgun, a much more powerful rifle, idk what it was, but it had a big recoil, and a shotgun. Mostly I shot the .22 and I got pretty good at it. I hit pretty close to the same area each time I shot. The bigger rifle, I only shot twice because it hurt my shoulder, but I hit what I was aiming at both times I shot it. The handgun was my favorite. I only shot it three times, I hit what I was aiming at 2 out of the three times I shot it! 🙂 the shot gun was just so I knew how to shoot it and it about knocked me on my butt! It was pretty powerful. Caleb kept saying ok shuck it and shoot. Shuck it and shoot. I did it 3 or 4 times but had to stop because it killed my shoulder. Now if anyone breaks in I will know what to do. Lol I will probably forget, but at least I might look like I know what I am doing and it will scare them away. 🙂 at least I won’t have to be scared like I was the last time. Caleb wasn’t home and 2 guys came to the door and knocked. I went to the kitchen so they couldn’t see me from the door. I thought they would go away, but they didn’t. I called Caleb and he didn’t answer his phone. I was so scared because I didn’t know who they were or why they wouldn’t go away. I finally got ahold of Caleb and he said that I should get the gun, but I had no idea how to work the stupid thing and frankly I was afraid of it. Well it turns out the guys were harmless and their car broke down in front of our house, but at least now I will know that I don’t need to be scared of it and I know how to use it if need be. Hopefully I never will though.

Today I had to go back to work and I REALLY didn’t want to! But I have to make money so I can buy more yarn! 🙂