Take that PCOS, plus an update

I haven’t updated in a while, it is hard being a new mom and working a full time job to get on here and keep updating regularly.

Baby J will be 6 months on the 20th of this month! He is growing too fast. He can roll over front to back and back to front. He is sitting up really well and his favorite toy, other than cups and water bottles, is a crinkle book. 🙂 he is discovering what he can do with his voice he squeals just for the fun of it sometimes and just the other day he discovered that he can whisper. He does it when I change his diaper! He is sleeping mostly through the night he has just been waking up once to nurse. I think he has been teething, I can’t see or feel anything, but he drools like crazy and we have had a few rough nights.

Here is an update on me. I have been very tired lately, I fell asleep sitting up one day! I have been having heartburn and I missed my period in October. I didn’t think much about it, I thought maybe my PCOS symptoms were coming back with a vengeance. I went ahead and bought a pregnancy test so when I called the doctor I could tell her that I had already taken a test. I took it Friday before work and was shocked to see a positive! Baby J is going to be a big brother! This was a complete surprise. I am so thankful that I was able to get pregnant naturally! I can’t really describe completely how I feel, it is a mixture of terror and excitement. Take that PCOS! I got pregnant naturally despite you! 🙂

There is Hope: My Struggle With PCOS

While reading Valerie at Atlantamomofthree’s post about PCOS, I realized I hadn’t posted about my PCOS journey in a while. So I thought I would give you a quick update.

First I would like to say that PCOS sucks!!! I have to live with the symptoms of this condition everyday and sometimes I wish I could take a break from my body. I hate how tired I am all the time and all the headaches I have.

With that being said, there is hope!! I have always wanted to be a mom. As a little girl if you asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, chances are the answer would be a mom (there might have been ballerina and princess answers in there sometimes). As I got older, I started having this fear that it would never happen for me. My mom laughs at me because I know my body so well, but even before I knew about the PCOS, I just KNEW it wasn’t going to happen for me. I even told my husband when we were dating that I probably would never have kids (this was before my periods stopped). He is great and stuck by me. 🙂 I struggle daily with the fact that I might not be able to get pregnant, but lately I have been feeling a little more optimistic, a little more hopeful. My medicine seems to be working to regulate me. I have finally had 2 periods that were 31 days apart. The cramps were awful, but I am so thankful that I am finally having periods. I am feeling more hopeful than I ever have felt before. It hasn’t been that long that we have been trying, but it seems like it has been a rough road for us. Hopefully things are liking up. 🙂

My Struggle with PCOS: My Experience with Metformin (so far)

I wanted to write a little about how Metformin has worked (so far) for me.  First off, Metformin is a drug that is used to help control Type 2 Diabetes, but it has shown to be helpful to help regulate women with PCOS’s cycles and to help them to ovulate.  It is also known to help with weight loss in some women.  In my case, I have been on it for about 3 months and I may finally be seeing some results.  When I first started it I had a very, VERY light, short period.  I almost wasn’t sure that it was a period.  Then I waited 81 days for another one to start.    I had cramps for a week and then I finally started an actual period (although it still wasn’t a normal one for me).  The cramps got really bad for the first 3 ½ days and then they just went away.  My doctor said that the Metformin could take a while to actually start regulating my periods; I have met a few women where it has taken 6 months to a year to do the job.   I was getting discouraged because I was getting the awful side effects and none of the supposed benefits.  I stuck it out though because I was hopeful that eventually something would happen.

Speaking of side effects, they are awful!  I have had to decide if the potential outcome is worth the suffering I am going through now.  For me, it is, for others it may not be.  Some of the side effects include:

• muscle      pain or weakness;
• numb or      cold feeling in your arms and legs;
• trouble      breathing;
• feeling      dizzy, light-headed, tired, or very weak;
• stomach      pain, nausea with vomiting; or
• slow or      uneven heart rate.

Call your doctor at once if you have any other serious side effect such as:

• feeling      short of breath, even with mild exertion;
• swelling      or rapid weight gain; or
• fever,      chills, body aches, flu symptoms.

Less serious side effects of metformin may include:

• headache      or muscle pain;
• weakness;      or
• mild      nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, gas, stomach pain

All this is from http://www.drugs.com/sfx/metformin-side-effects.html

I am also not sure, but hair loss might be a side effect of Metformin as well. But I can’t find any conclusive data saying that yes it does or that it doesn’t.  Some places says that if you have PCOS and take Metformin then a side effect might be hair loss others just say that it is the PCOS causing it.  Either way my hair has been falling out like crazy for a while now.  With my new haircut, I can’t tell as much, but when I was washing my hair this morning, my hands were covered in my hair.

I know this may be TMI for some, but it might help others.  I struggle with the stomach issues, the nausea, diarrhea and stomach pain.  Most of the time it isn’t bad enough to effect my normal day to day life, it is just enough to make me miserable.  I have also noticed some shortness of breath while I am just sitting and headaches (but those are nothing new, I have had them ever since I can remember), also I get dizzy a lot, but that could be from the Meniere’s disease, not the medicine.  Fortunately I do not suffer everyday with the side effects, most days, but not all.  Some days, I think that my body is getting used to the Metformin and then the next day they will hit me full force.  I notice that if I take them with food at the same time every day that they are not as bad as if I take it on an empty stomach or I forget to take it at the right time.

My advice to you, if you are on the fence about taking Metformin is to try it and see if you can live with the side effects, or who knows, you may be lucky and not have any side effects.  If the side effects are too much, talk to your doctor, and maybe they can put you on the Extended Release formula or can find another option for you.  I hope this can help someone.  I just wanted to tell about my experience with it so far.  Hopefully, I can start seeing more results soon. 🙂

Update: my struggle with PCOS

I thought I would update you on how I am doing.

I am on cd 50 and still no af. I called my Endocrinologist and she said that it will take a few months for the Metformin to work. I was under the impression that it would work right away. I am so tired of the side effects and zero results. Not even any weight loss! I am so frustrated with my stupid body.

I am struggling a little with the depression again. I know when I am falling back into it so I try to focus on the other things like my husband and what good things God has been doing for me instead of my problems. But the other day I had a really rough patch. I just felt that I wasn’t meant to be a mom and that I won’t ever experience being pregnant or being a mom. I am better now, but seeing all the people I went to school with having babies is extremely hard on me. I see some that have had several and I don’t understand why they can get pregnant so easy. All I have ever wanted is to be a mom and I can’t even have a period so we can start actually trying. It hurts to hear about how my friends are pregnant and how easy it was for them. I am happy for them, I really am, I am just mad at my body. I wish that if I am not meant to have children that God would take that desire away. I know it is early for me to get frustrated, but this is 6 months of just trying to get a period to start and to get it regulated. I have taken 3 or 4 different medications just to get a period to start! When I did have one it didn’t keep coming. It wasn’t even like a real one. I just wish my body worked right!!

Anyway…I haven’t updated my blog in a while. I kind of took a break on the crocheting for a little bit but now I have one finished project and two WIPs unfortunately I only have a picture of the finished project. I will post later about the WIPs.

I tried these just to see if I could and to see how they looked. I love them. The yarn is so soft on your feet!! They are really comfy.

My Struggle With PCOS

I want to share my struggles with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I am going to be very honest with you, more honest than I have been with anyone other than my husband and mom. This is the first time I have shared my story publically.
Before I go on with my story, I want to tell those of you who don’t know a little about PCOS. It is a hormone imbalance our bodies produce too many androgens, the male hormone. It is a disorder of the Endocrine system, but it effects almost every aspect of your life, from what you can eat to getting pregnant and maintaining a pregnancy. It causes irregular menstrual cycles, excess hair growth in places women definitely should not be growing hair, cysts on the ovaries, acne, Pelvic pain, skin tags, anxiety and depression, weight gain, and hair loss. The symptoms of PCOS can be devastating for a woman even if she isn’t trying for a baby. I have heard other woman say it, and it is exactly how I feel, PCOS makes us feel like our bodies are betraying us and that we do not feel like women. It is devastating. If you want more info about PCOS there are a lot of recourses, but here is one I found with a lot of info from symptoms to treatment: http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/ovarian-cysts.cfm
I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 21 or 22. I had friends who had it and I just knew I had it because of the symptoms, so when I went to have my first exam at an OB’s office I asked her to check for it. She did some tests and confirmed it, but didn’t do a lot, she just put me on birth control. The diagnosis came as a bit of a relief because I had been teased my whole life about my little mustache (and I mean little, it was very light, but you know how people can be). It didn’t make me any less self-conscious, but at least I knew there was a reason for it. It made me really sad too because I got made fun my whole life of for a side effect of a disease I have. It just didn’t seem fair. I felt lucky because the symptoms seemed pretty mild, I had a little bit of a tummy (when a person with PCOS gains weight, a lot of it goes to the belly so we look pregnant), but it wasn’t bad, I had hair growth on my upper lip and a little on my belly, but I bleached it (my upper lip) and eventually got one of those little electric trimmers and that seemed to take care of it. I never really had acne, my skin was always pretty clear, thank goodness. I always knew that having a baby would be difficult and as I got older I just KNEW I wouldn’t be able to have children. My periods were never really irregular until I got older. The weird thing was that they only got irregular when I started having sex (does that make sense to anyone?). They have always been bad though, I have always had horrible cramps, but they got debilitating after I got older. I would cry and I would shake and I couldn’t sit, or stand or lay down, so I would rotate between them. Thank goodness that would only last for the first day. I talked to my hubby before we got married and told him that it would be hard for me to get pregnant and that there is a possibility that I couldn’t have children. He wants children so bad, and it made me feel better when he said he was ok with it. He loves me for me, not for my body’s baby making skills. He is a wonderful man. 🙂
Anyway about a year after we got married, my doctor put me on the NuvaRing because I was awful at taking the pills. I never remembered to take them at the same time every day and there were lots of days where I forgot all together. They did regulate my period though. As soon as I went on the NuvaRing, my periods stopped completely. I talked to my doctor about it and she said that it was perfectly fine that they just got the dosage right. But she didn’t do any testing or anything. Well I didn’t like not having periods, as awful as they can be; periods meant that my body was working right, and that was comforting. I took myself off of birth control in September or October of last year and my periods didn’t start back up, plus the other side effects got really bad, depression, hair growth, weight gain, acne, and hair loss, I have lost a ton of hair, my hair has thinned out so much, luckily I don’t have bald spots, just extremely thin frizzy hair – it was awful. I cried a lot. In January of this year, I got a new doctor (I LOVE him). He did a full exam and listened to me when I talked about my body. He did more blood work and a vaginal ultrasound and reconfirmed my PCOS diagnosis. He put me on Progesterone to try and jumpstart my periods, I tried that for 2 months and it didn’t work, so he had me come in and see him again and put me on a stronger form of Progesterone and referred me to an Endocrinologist. She checked me over and I got even more blood work done and she re-reconfirmed my diagnosis (for those of you keeping track that is 3 times I have been diagnosed with PCOS) and put me on Metformin. 3 days after starting the Metformin, I had a period. It was weird, but it was a period. Then 27 days later I had another! I am on CD (Cycle day) 35 and am still waiting for my period to start back up. I took a pregnancy test and it was a VERY clear negative, so now we have to figure out how to get my period started up again. I will be calling my doctor on Tuesday if I don’t start back up over the weekend.
I have lost about 15 pounds since I first went to see my doctor, I am up and more active than I used to be. I feel better mentally, but I still struggle with how I look. I just don’t feel pretty at all. My husband can tell me that I am pretty or sexy all he wants, but that doesn’t change what I see in the mirror. (Here is where I get super honest). When I look in the mirror, I want to cry, or break the mirror depending on the day. I have hair where no woman should have hair. I am able to semi manage it, no woman should have to shave or pluck or use hair removing crème on her face, it just isn’t right! My husband says I can get a tria laser, but it costs over $500 and we can’t afford that. I can’t tell you the last time I felt even semi attractive. My body is broken on the inside and it shows on the outside. I look pregnant, which so isn’t fair for people like me who can’t get pregnant, or are having a hard time. I have had so many people ask me when I am due. 😦 (just a little note, do not ask a woman when she is due EVER, unless she brings it up herself – it seems like common sense, but I speak from personal experience it isn’t) If I see someone out that I used to know, I avoid them like the plague because I am so embarrassed, so if you know me and see me out and I don’t talk to you, maybe I didn’t see you, or I am just too embarrassed, I just can’t handle being seen this way. I used to be cute, but now I just feel fat and hairy.
I am just really struggling with this and I have reached out to others with PCOS and it helps some to know that I am not alone in the struggle. Other people feel the same things as I do. I have joined a couple of support groups. One has been very helpful and one has been anything but helpful, more discouraging than anything, but I am very grateful for the one that has helped me. 🙂
For those of you wondering, no we are not actively trying to conceive (ttc), but we are not preventing it either. Right now we are just trying to get my body to work like it is supposed to and if we get pregnant then great. If not then that’s ok too.
Okay, so I have put out there in public things I have been too embarrassed to talk about for a long time. I was honest with you and I hope that it helps someone else going through the same thing to not feel so alone. I am almost always available if you want to talk.